Thursday, February 15, 2018

We Need To Break Up

I just finished my second week of my 28 Day Challenge. I didn't lose any weight this week, and even fell off the wagon once. Considering I lost a lot of weight my first week, I'm not too concerned by the lack of weight loss. Falling off the wagon concerns me more.

One of the things I'm trying to accomplish in my 28 Day Challenge is to adjust my relationship to and with food.

And it is complicated.

We use food to celebrate. We use food to remind us of childhood memories. We use food to comfort us in times of disappointment, anger, and loneliness.

I'm an emotional eater. I tend to eat more when my world is shaken or rocked. The more upset I am, the more likely I am to overeat, and when I'm in that state, I NEVER choose salad or fruit. It's more likely to be pizza, mac 'n cheese, pie, or ice cream. What adds insult to injury is that I'm never happy with just a slice or a cup or a scoop. Having a really bad day means decimating a half bag of Oreos.

Odelia Grey, the main protagonist in my Odelia Grey mystery series, is an emotional eater. She will stuff down a carton of Ben and Jerry's or a box of Thin Mints or cheesecake while stuffing down her true feelings or emotions. But that's a character in a book and it's funny. It's not so cute and funny in real life.

"Put down the cheesecake and no one gets hurt."
Zee to Odelia in Too Big to Miss.

So one of my goals during this month is to break up with food. It can't be a complete break up, of course. I need to eat to live. I just don't need to live to eat.

I did have one night the first week when I received some bad news and was very close to doing the backstroke in a half gallon of ice cream.

But I didn't.

I stood strong again the emotions and long bad habits whispering in my ear to just go for it.

Who will know.
Who will care?

But, you see, I will know. And I will care.

Last night my fall from grace was face-first into a bacon burger and fries, and I know it was because I was so upset over the shooting in Florida. Not that eating that crap would have made things any better for anyone, but I knew I didn't want to go home and cook, and I knew I needed to calm my stress. Seeing that in the past I'd always done that with food, I made the easy choice. But on the bright side, I only ate half of the burger and fries, and I did not have a soda. Baby steps.

My exercise this week was spotty but improved on last week.

I vowed that in 2018 I would fall in love with my life, and this is part of that journey. I like my life, but I need to care for it and truly, deeply, love it. Eating healthy and getting exercise is part of that. And it's never to late to start.


Anonymous said...

Sue Ann, I so identify with you. I hate dieting, I love carbs and dairy, and in cold weather I REALLY want carbs. I'm reading "The 40-year old vegan" and she talks about some of the stuff you mentioned. How the first day/week is easier because we're motivated, but it's hard to stay motivated and easy to eat what we shouldn't. We're bombarded with ads and signals to eat bad food. Or to just eat.

Good luck and stay strong!

Jill Patterson

MarthaVA said...

Hi Sue Ann, I just started following you. Found you on FB through the Travato site. I'm a woman of a ahem, certain age and have been overweight for a very long time. I have some health issues because of it. I recently (19 weeks ago) went to a see a P.A. about my knees. He said, lose 35 lbs and your knees will feel better because it's arthritis, and there isn't anything we will do about it. If you need to have weight loss surgery to do it, then get that done." Oh, let me tell you - he got my Irish up and I was SO insulted! But guess what? He made me mad enough that I said, I'll show him! I don't need weight loss surgery - because I am strong enough to do this!
It hasn't been easy. It hasn't been fun. It's been a HUGE adjustment. I've lost 39 pounds in the 19 weeks. I tried the plant based diet. I tried only eating 3 meals a day with NOTHING in between. I've tried the diet where you eat mostly fats and meats. Nothing really sat with me well, until I just started eating some protein (chicken, beef, pork, fish, etc) and one or 2 sides consisting of either salad or veggies. What worked best for me was cutting out the processed foods. I am eating (mostly) plants and animals. That sounds gross, but if it's not processed - like - no hot dogs, or sandwich meat - also no bread, or pasta. Is it hard? Heck yeah. Is it doable? Heck yeah!
One of the other things that helped me was being responsible to myself. I write down every morning what my weight is and then, in the evenings, before bed, I write down everything I eat. When I started I had to write it down as I went - it's amazing when you write down exactly what you ate - I don't weigh the food or really measure but in the beginning I did count how many grapes I had, or measure rice as in a half cup, whatever - but you become accountable to yourself. It's a HUGE awakening......
Anyway, I'm not an expert - just someone struggling along too. I used to live for my nightly ice cream. I haven't had an Oreo, Ice cream, candy, or some of the other stuff I mention above, in a LONG time. Funny thing is, I tried something the other day made of sugar, and it was AWFUL! I hated it. I much prefer fresh fruit - and I am SO NOT a fruit eater! I have now put some snacks into my day, and I find I have more energy. A mandarin orange is wonderful in the afternoon. I still have Peanut Butter - but it's Simply Jiff which I have found to be the simplest ingredients and lower in most of the items that is in PB. I have potatoes more than I should, but that's one of my downfalls. I did cut out carbs, but I was miserable. The weight is coming off slowly now - but it's about a pound a week. Is it easy to get discouraged? Heck yeah. But ya know what? I'm proud of myself and I'm MUCH happier now that I've dropped the 39 lbs. I still have 58 lbs to go to be where I want to be. As long as I can get there, I'll be happy. The thing is, I know that once there, I can't just go eating everything I used to again or I'll end up in the same place. I also don't want a bunch of loose skin when I'm where I want to get, so I know that taking it off slowly will help.
I just thought I'd share with you that there are others like you out there, and that you're not alone. Having someone else to talk to is has also been helpful for me. So take care, be well, love yourself, and do what you need to in order to be healthy.