Thursday, December 31, 2009

And In This Corner ... My Other Self

In 32 days I have to turn in Murder in Vein, the first book in my new vampire mystery series, to my publisher – a book that was just a wisp of an idea four months ago. Upon striking the deal, Midnight Ink decided they needed the book in eight weeks. I agreed. Not because I’m insane, but because it made sense from a marketing standpoint.

So Writer Sue Ann made a contractual promise to deliver an entire book in a whole new series in eight weeks. Problem is, she forgot to discuss the matter with Paralegal Sue Ann. Normally this would not be a problem, but, you see, near the end of the year, Paralegal Sue Ann often works 10+ hour days. This conveniently slipped Writer Sue Ann’s mind.

Here is a sample of a recent conversation at the Jaffarian household:

Writer Sue Ann: Come on now. You can do it. Just a couple of pages.

Paralegal Sue Ann: Grrrrr. I just worked 11-1/2 hours straight without a break. I’m pooped.

Writer Sue Ann: May I remind you that February 1st will be here before you know it.

Paralegal Sue Ann: You can stick February 1st where the sun doesn’t shine.

Writer Sue Ann: Aw, don’t be like that. Just a page. A single page. Then you can go to bed.

Paralegal Sue Ann: My brain is fried. One page might as well be ten. And may I remind you that I have to be in the office by 7 tomorrow morning.

Writer Sue Ann: Tell you what, if you write two pages, you can buy some new shoes with some of the advance money.

Paralegal Sue Ann: Shoes? Did you say shoes?

Writer Sue Ann: Is it a deal?

Paralegal Sue Ann: I’m thinking. I’m thinking. Hmmm, Nordstroms or Payless?

Writer Sue Ann: Macy’s – on sale.

Paralegal Sue Ann: I’d rather have a flat screen TV.

Writer Sue Ann: Wouldn’t we all?

Paralegal Sue Ann: Keep the shoes. I don’t need no stinkin’ shoes. I’m going to bed.

Writer Sue Ann: Okay, then, what’s a flat screen TV worth to you?

Paralegal Sue Ann: I’m thinking. I’m thinking. Okay, two pages and I get the TV and I get to go to bed.

Writer Sue Ann: Not so fast, slick. A TV isn’t a pair of shoes. Five pages a day on weekdays; 10 pages on each Saturday and Sunday until the deadline.

Paralegal Sue Ann: 2 pages a day. Period.

Writer Sue Ann: 4 a day; 15 on the weekend.

Paralegal Sue Ann: 2 a day; 10 total on the weekend.

Writer Sue Ann: 3 a day during the week; 15 over the weekend, plus edits. And that’s my final offer.

Paralegal Sue Ann (sitting down at the computer): That freaking TV had better have a built-in DVD player.

If any of you reading this haven't already figured out that writers are nuts, you haven't been paying attention.

Oil painting: Split Personality II by Santiago ProaƱo.

1 comment:

Marilyn Meredith a.k.a. F. M. Meredith said...

You may be just a bit crazy than the rest of us. LOL