Friday, May 01, 2009

You Can't Make This Shit Up

A couple of days ago the attorney in the office 2 doors down from mine called me to look out her window. Below, about a block down our street, was a SWAT van, 7 police cars and a dark SUV with a color bar on top. There were also a few unidentified vans. The street, however, wasn’t cordoned off, something one would think would happen had it been a real SWAT event. Curious and concerned about what was going on (after all, there was a bomb scare in a high rise a few blocks away earlier in the week), I called the local LAPD station. They knew of no police action in the area – hence it was probably a movie/TV shoot. At first glance, it’s difficult to tell from 16 stories up, but one of the empty buildings on our street is often used for filming.

Fast forward to today, Friday. I took the day off work. After a delightful lunch at Lily’s in Venice with my BFF Ashley , I headed home to find 5 young men standing at the front door to my apartment building dressed in LAPD windbreakers with “Police” scrawled across their backs. One of them had a small battering ram. Above us on the 2nd floor landing was another cop trying to get in through the 2nd floor security door.

Um, I thought to myself as I tried to back out of the front gate, this IS NOT a film shoot.

Cop #1 (holding battering ram”): “Ma’am, do you have a key to let us in?”

Me (to myself): Shit, why didn’t I go in through the back gate.

Me to Cop #1: “Yes, but why do you need to get in?”

Cop #2 into walkie talkie: “Hold on, we have someone to let us in.”

Cop #1 to me: “Parole violation.”

Hmm, they need 5, no 6 counting cop trying to get in through 2nd floor, cops for a parole violation?

Me to all of them: “May I see some badges, please?” (And, no, I hadn’t been drinking.)

After looking at me as if I had asked them all out on a group date, Cop #1 to me: “I can show you my gun.” (And he did.)

Cop #2 to me (raising his jacket and shirt to show a gun tucked into the waist of his jeans – and showing off some nice abs in the bargain): “I have a gun, too.”

Me: “The gun doesn’t interest me, badges do.” (I SWEAR I said this. They may have had guns, but I've been through menopause.)

Cop #2 pulled his shirt down.

Cops #3 and #4 showed me their badges like good boys.

Cop #1: “If you don’t let us in, we’ll just break down the door.”

Me as I opened the front door for them: “Um, what floor is all this happening on?”

Cop #2: “End apartment, ground floor.”

Whew, I live on the 3rd floor.

Whatever happened on the first floor, it didn’t seem to cause much commotion. And I’m happy to say I don’t know the people living in that apartment. But it did take 7 hours before I believed it had happened at all. Nor did I leave my apartment the rest of the day.


A.H. Ream said...

Wow, I just went home and worked. Sheesh.

Kate Thornton said...

Um, Sue Ann, some stuff is more exciting than I would want to see in real life. I am delighted to hear you asked for badges, and what were those kids doing showing you their "guns"???

Training has just gone to hell in a handbasket...!
"We did stuff right when I was a Fed..."

Eric said...

At least they didn't simply twist their mustaches and say, "Badges? We don't need no steenking badges."

Kathryn Lilley said...

"The gun doesn’t interest me, badges do.”

Kudos to you for staying cool, Sue Ann! They absolutely should have shown you their badges first, as you requested. They probably get a kick out of getting a startled reaction out of "civilians." Good on you for not giving them one!

Stacia said...

More fodder for Odelia!

Stacia said...

Let's all try this response the next time we're pulled over by a cop for a traffic violation and we're asked to show our license and registration: "I can show you my car keys."

Alan Orloff said...

Wow, Sue Ann. All the fun stuff happens in L.A.

Here's a tip. If someone knocks at your door and says he's a land shark, ask to see some identification before letting him in.