Tuesday, February 24, 2009


Last night before going to bed, I played backgammon online. It was a full match, first one to win 5 points, wins the match (I won, btw). I often play games on line as a form of relaxation. My preferences are hearts, dominoes, and backgammon.

What puzzles me, and has puzzled me for several years now, is how many men hit on me while we’re playing these games. And I mean hit on me as in making sexual suggestions or extending invitations to meet for dinner, drinks, etc., all without any encouragement from me. When asked my age, I type “old.” When asked what I’m wearing, I type “a bad attitude.” You see, I’m not exactly giving them a come hither vibe through the computer. I don’t even have a sexually suggestive screen name. Like I said, it’s a puzzle.

Last night during my backgammon match with an opponent who claimed to be from Louisville, Kentucky, he asked if I wanted to come to Kentucky and go to the Derby with him. Had this invitation come from someone I knew personally, I would have been flattered and tempted, even though the Derby falls during the time I will be at the Malice Domestic conference. But this invitation came from a stranger. Someone I’d never met, seen, or spoken to. I didn’t even know his name and he didn’t offer to provide it. I didn’t know his age and he didn’t ask mine, which was somewhat refreshing. I was a woman. I fit his number one requirement, possibly his only requirement, and he was taking his shot.

Do some women actually fall for this nonsense? Is there really a woman out there who would have hopped a plane for Kentucky in early May thinking she might have met prince charming? Are some of us so desperate and naive that we throw caution, personal safety, and self-esteem out the window on the off chance that this time the guy might be for real? And what about the men? What makes a guy think that coming on to a strange woman over a game of backgammon makes him attractive? Don’t get me wrong. I’ve met several lovely men over the Internet and have had long term relationships with two of them, both of which are still friends. But they took the time to get to know me and find out about me, like a real friend, before moving it into the dating realm.

Flirting anonymously can be fun. It’s kind of the no harm, no foul approach to personal interaction, but when someone asks me to meet them after only “knowing” me online for five minutes, it gives me the willies and conjures of visions of body dumps in the Angeles National Forest.


Stacia said...

First of all, I had to Google "a/s/l"..... I believe that there are plenty of gullible, desperate women out there. A scarily high number, in fact! Haven't you ever studied the plaintiffs on Judge Judy, Judge Karen, The People's Court.....??

sparkly_jules said...

I'm with you: when I was internet dating (and where I actually met my husband), I gave out nothing: no last name, no phone number, no address, not even where I lived except in a general sense like "Long Beach." If I agreed to meet with someone, it was in a public place only, and someone always knew where I was going.

I actually quit dating guys I met on the net because they just kept getting weirder and weirder and yes, I imagined myself in a shallow grave in the Mojave. R. is only my husband because I agreed to meet him for coffee so I could tell all my BFF's about the "idiot" I had a date with. LOL

But yes, be super-duper careful. As my husband said, men will crawl over broken glass if they think there's even a small chance they'll "get some." Most men on the net are simply looking for that.

Good post.


backgammon said...

I suppose that as long as there are stories (urban legends?) on people who found their love through online backgammon site (or an internet dating service for that matter), there will be hope (despair?) and people (men?) taking advantage of it. Anyway, interesting post and that's my response: dark side of online backgammon